To Whom it May Concern

Why are you so far from me?
                                             In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
                                                    I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you................But I haven't met you........... Oh but I want to -
                                                                                                         - How I do.
Slowly counting down the days,
                                               Till I finally know your name.
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist,
                                                                    The way you laugh,
                                                                                                The way your kisses taste.
I missed you.............But I haven't met you............Oh but I want to -
                                                                                                      - How I do, How I do.
I've missed you............But I haven't met you.
Oh I missed you..............I haven't met you.
                                                                 Oh but I want to, Oh how I want to........
Dear whoever you might be,
                                           I'm still waiting patiently.

The Natural Habit isn't so Natural

You hear it all the time. It becomes such a natural habit that no real thought is put into it, your body just does it. Yeah... well it's not that way for everyone. Perhaps it's just me, but more often than not I find myself lacking the air efficient for a body to function. I find that even at times holding a conversation and walking leaves me breathless and tired.
                               It gets even better... 
Because I have caught myself multiple times not breathing. I'm not holding my breath per say; I've just stopped. During church, sitting at the computer, or even dancing, I just wont breathe. In order to keep from passing out I almost have to pay special attention to my breathing. But then isn't then becoming something other than a "natural habit"? I shouldn't have to put so much focus on remembering to inhale and exhale.

Perhaps it's nothing and I really don't know my body. Maybe it's a lot more serious then I thought and things can only get worse. I don't know but hopefully I will find out soon. Because when a natural habit isn't so natural that's not a good thing.

playing with fire while looking for that fish

I shouldn't be allowed to pick my own guys. Because for one I end up pushing them away as some evil voice in my head says I am not worth it, and two it's just no fun when they are all goody-goody. It would be so pathetic to watch myself in this game. Is it that difficult for me to understand that I can't just let this go. We can't just "stay friends" and I don't want to hurt anyone...

But all it takes is that little touch, sending me that small look. It just takes letting me know that for one second I was all that mattered. Maybe I have just a small amount of control and then...

You touch me...

I'm slipping and I want more... Stop touching me. Because one time I wont be able to control myself.

Wasting the Time I'm Ungrateful For

Perhaps it's not just the desire to slowly pass away the extra time I have but something else. It could be the urge to be heard but not having to speak, or to compose a small entry without taking up space and feeling compelled to fill it.

But whatever it is there have been many times during my days that I have wished so dearly to have my journal and pen but then I realize that I don't have enough thought to write even a full page... And I can't do that. So I spend the rest of the day with whatever I was thinking racing around my head. It slowly drags me down into a mellow and often sad area of my life that I hate returning to.

Maybe with this I can free myself of those circling thoughts and remain standing on a brighter side of life. But don't expect much. I know for a fact that they will be random, in topic and in post date. My first blog was not a success, so I will struggle finding a rhythm in which I can write at an even pace.

Maybe I am talking to no one, maybe there is someone listening.

Maybe this is just wasting the time I'm ungrateful for...