When You're Too Tired to Sleep...

My body's been screaming at me all day, but I knew that if I took a nap that I wouldn't sleep tonight... So I didn't. However to get back at me, I am no longer tired; or maybe is more of I don't want to go to sleep. Going to sleep means that this day is ending (not that it isn't over already) and that means life is going to continue tomorrow whether I like it or not. Going to sleep is like finally surrendering the fight of the day, just to continue the war tomorrow.

But I am so tired of it all... I am so tired that I don't want to sleep, I don't want to continue with life tomorrow. I just want to be done, or even just to hit the pause button and turn off the TV for a couple hours. Some of you might even consider that to be what sleeping is but when you're afraid to sleep... when your dreams have resurfaced something that you thought you finally let go of, it's hard to return to that place.

But it is even harder to want to come back out of it when you find yourself happier there then in any other situation. Perhaps it's the simplicity of the things; being able to breathe under water just because you can, picking up a sword and knowing how to fight, falling in love, and being love. Maybe it's what people say it is and your heart or soul is speaking out to you to try to get you to understand... If that's the case then I really need to look into my week long dream expedition through a zombie infested city.

When you wake up in tears, however, wanting nothing more then just to slip back into that beautiful world then to continue on in this one... surely there is a problem. Surely there is something wrong when you sit on your bedside and tears prick at your eyes as the thought of laying down and giving into your exhaustion terrifies you. Surely there is something wrong with wishing, when you do give in, that your eyes wont open up again, that you'll finally sleep peacefully. But it's not like that all the time...

I love to sleep. I love to slip under my covers and drift off into a new adventure. I love to close my eyes and pretend that I am not where I am or my a task list for the next day that I know I wont finish. I love to feel like I am doing nothing but existing...

But when you're sitting in this chair and your body is still screaming that it wants to sleep but that's the last thing you want to do; you start to wonder. After all is there a point when you're just too tired to sleep that everything just stops?